Fees, FAQs
and Rules
What's not included?
The gift shop and food, except for your complimentary breakfast basket.
And we sell some food in the gift shop.
Da Rulez
Yup, we got 'em. For your safety and ours
1)
Be good to your guide
Every party is assigned a guide, who will be the one in charge of getting you settled, teaching you what you need to know, getting you to your activities, etc.
They are not a servant or your step-and-fetch-it.
They do not work for you. They work for me, to keep you from killing yourself.
Treat them accordingly.
Further, many of our guides are young women. This does not make them less an authority figure or trained professional. When speaking to them, use the Mike Tyson rule; if you wouldn't say it to Mike's face, don't say it.
Treating your guide badly will get you thrown out.
Making sexual advances to your guide will get you thrown out (whether gay, straight, trans, whatever). Your guide IS NOT flirting with you, because that gets them fired and thrown out - they live here, they like it, you're not worth losing their home and job over = they're not flirting, they are being friendly and kind.
2) No campfires.
Fires are in the woodstove ONLY, and with the provided wood.
Why?
Campfires can spread, and cooking or throwing trash in them draws wildlife. We have bears here. LOTS of bears. We like them, and they won't bother you, because to them humans and smoke mean dogs and loud noises, NOT goodies. We want to keep it that way.
Campfires also make big black circles on the ground where nothing grows. It's ugly, risky and bad for plants and wildlife. Just because our yard is bigger than yours, doesn't mean we want people lighting fires in it.
3)
Treat animals kindly
ALL the animals.
If you want to pet or touch something, ask your guide - they'll help you handle them safely. Don't chase animals (even chickens) down, or disturb them while they're sleeping or nursing. Respect the pastures.
The dogs are big, but well trained and friendly. They won't jump on you, so don't freak out on them. If dogs make you nervous, let us know before you come.
The barn kitties are ridiculously friendly - like, jump in your arms friendly - and convinced you have come JUST to visit them. Don't disabuse them of the notion. If you hate cats, go somewhere else.
Really.
Ride the horses the way we show you,
These are very well trained animals, shown under the stable name Phoenix Rising Sporthorses. Yes, we are letting you ride our high-end breeding and competition horses. Why? We want them well rounded, we know they love people and feel the mental stimulation is good for them, and most people are thrilled to be riding horses like this, and so are very good at following instructions. But if you insist on doing things *your way* for *reasons that seem good to you*, you will not be allowed to ride and may be asked to leave. When we sell these horses, it's for 5 figures, we have no problem losing your weekend rate over this. Horseback riding here is a privilege, not a right.
4)
No guns
We don't know why this surprises people, but apparently, it needs to be said.
We don't care why you think you need one, just no. Bears = no. Wildlife = no. Fear of crazy people = you are the crazy person, so especially no. Your rights = preach it somewhere else, we have the right to not do business with you, so NO.
"Guns" includes all projectile weapons, black powder, pellet, paintball, crossbows, all of it.
You may bring super-soakers. That's it. Not Nerf - deer and goats eat those and get sick.
5)
No glass bottles.
Listen, we all like to knock a few back, but bottles
inevitably break. And we don't want to have to clean up the glass. It's that simple. If you try to sneak one in, and it breaks, you will be charged $200 per hour for cleanup.
Breaking any of these rules will get you rudely kicked out, usually without a refund, and EVERYONE in your party blacklisted from ever coming here again.
Still with me? Then it's time for FAQs!
So, I uh, I want to propose...
SQUEEEEE!!!! We
LOVE that!! Please let us know, and we'll help you set up the
Most Romantic Event
Ever.
Seriously, we have the white horse and
everything.
But listen, you GOTTA let us know, because we'll be horribly disappointed otherwise. Setting up proposals is really our favorite thing ever.
But I'm/we're...
Yeah, whatever, we don't care. So long as it's between consenting adults, not our business. We just love proposals. And the occasional wedding.
All this sounds really active, I just want to relax.
Don't worry, I got you fam. While we offer a bunch of stuff, what you do is up to
you.
You don't have to do any of it.
You can just chill at your campsite. Or by the barn. Or anywhere. Want to sit on a porch swing and crochet? Cool. I have yarn if you didn't bring any. Don't know how to crochet? I'll teach you.
Want to lay by the pond with a book? I have books if you didn't bring any (LOTS and LOTS of books)
Just want to sit somewhere and watch the pretty animals graze?
We will hang you a hammock.
Can I bring my...
...own horse?
Yes! There is an additional fee and we will need proof of rabies, coggins and vaccination status. Please scan and mail or email the papers when making your reservation. Please do not take a picture of them with your cellphone and send that, it's just hard to read.
We will provide a paddock and water trough at your campsite, and square bales of hay. You will have to provide any other feed.
NO intact stallions, as we have stallions here. Mares in heat are a bad idea for the same reason (unless you're happy paying the stud fee)
Horses must be at least 4 years old and in good health.
...dog?
We LOVE dogs!! Which is why the answer is no, with rare exceptions. Because while we love all dogs, including yours, our own dogs very much don't approve of strange dogs near their precious, precious charges. Since they are very large and in the habit of murdering coyotes (who may be smaller than your dog, but have more at stake) it's a bad idea.
Similarly, because of said coyotes, our horses, momma cows, yaks and larger goats are in the habit of attacking strange canines, and making them a smear in the pasture
Speaking of coyotes, if they can get your dog to chase them off, it's to where the whole pack will show up and eat them.
However;
We do have working dog weekends and dog training events, so if you and your dog do SAR, let us know and we'll let you know when they are. If you are part of a club, we can do a club stay with reduced rates.
...kids?
This is very much a case-by-case basis. As a general rule, while we are a GREAT place for a day trip (and we do offer those!!) this is not the most kid-friendly place for most kids to stay. There's no TV, no Wifi, lots of large animals, some dangerous heavy equipment, plenty of wildlife and HUGE spaces for little ones to get lost in.
What we recommend is to stay in the local motel or one of the local B&Bs or resorts - which all have electricity and hot water on tap, unlike here. And do a daytrip or two (or three!) here. There are other local attractions we can direct you to as well. This way, if your little one* hates it or gets exhausted, your vacation isn't ruined or cut short.
If your kid has a total blast here and "goes native", we'll let you know that we think them staying here next time is a great idea.
We just really want you to have fun, and this low-tech stuff isn't for everyone.
*Little one includes teens. Some love it, like, LOVE, and some truly hate being cut off from civilization, and plenty fall in between. We want them to have a good time too. We know (oh, how we know...I've got kids) how much a miserable teen can kill a vacation, so lets not make them miserable